so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
