@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
did i just pee glitter
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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