at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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