all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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