There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
