Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk is not a location!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
