i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
