there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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