He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
