I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize