Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
