We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
