He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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