i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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