I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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