Porn is love you can see.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
