in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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