she woke up with a sticky ear
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
