you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize