Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
