Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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