Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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