What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
