I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
