I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
