They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
