My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
