Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
