i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
