His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
