I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
