Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
