as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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