He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
