it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
