if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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