Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
