Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
