i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
