Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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