I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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