Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
