I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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