Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
