believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
