i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
