Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
