everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
