imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Text me some of your sweat
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