So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize