ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
