yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize