I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
