I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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