woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
