there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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