omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
