piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
