I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
