Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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