Why are handjobs necessary in class?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
