I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
