i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
