Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
