Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
