I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
