matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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