was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
