He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
