just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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