My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
