Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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