Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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