You really coming over, don't trick.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
