bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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