somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
