Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
