i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize