My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
