Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
