How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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