My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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