dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
