Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
