why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
