I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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