garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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