Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
