How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
