I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
