A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
