boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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