I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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